On Married Life

Courtesy: Shyam, my IIM-B Classmate

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——

It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——

It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——

If u r married please ignore this msg, for everyone else: Happy Independence Day

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——

Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——

There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got
married and now he is going thru hell.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——

Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest
of your life!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——

Q: Why doesn’t law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
Here comes the Ultimate One

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called ‘Man, The Master of Women’?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

Courtesy: Shyam, my IIM-B Classmate

Cheers,

Vijay Srinivasan
01 June 2013

Queen’s English

Courtesy: Srinivas, my IIM-B Classmate

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the
difference between the words COMPLETE and FINISHED.

However, in a recent linguistic conference supposedly held in London,
England and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese,was the clear winner…

His final challenge was this:

“Some say there is no difference between the meaning of the words “COMPLETE” and “FINISHED”.

Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.”

Here is his answer:

“When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE;
but, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ‘COMPLETELY FINISHED’!“

His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes
and it entitled him to receive an invitation to dine with the Queen. His
answer prompted her to call him after the contest.

Courtesy: Srinivas, my IIM-B Classmate

Cheers,

Vijay Srinivasan
25th May 2013

Being Joyful Always

Courtesy: Anu, my IIM-B Classmate
(Courtesy – Academy for Creative Learning)

Many a time I have been posed the question as to what is the secret of happiness. While I have grappled with sharing a pragmatic answer, I have now realized that the secret lies in just “finding joy” in the moment. I can see the skeptics sharpening their knives and rebutting me saying you have never experienced what we have gone through so it is easy for you to liberally dish out such ‘pearls of wisdom’. Pause for a moment and focus on the ills and tribulations of someone else whom you know intimately and ask yourself if you would like to trade places with them. Chances are you are more comfortable with your own challenges rather than taking on another ills. Do you notice a sigh of relief that relatively speaking, you seem to be better off.

Finding joy in the moment is not as complicated as you think it is. You need to merely tweak you attitude, realign your thinking and focus on the positives and before long you will be spreading joy around.

Tweak your attitude – remove cynicism; avoid sarcasm; have faith; believe in yourself; like what you have to do; don’t be an escapist. Realign your thinking – seek out opportunities; create chances; find solutions; concentrate on what you want; remove the knots that tie you up – the cannot, will not, do not etc.

Focus on positives – laugh at yourself; find something good in everything- people, situations, life; empower your being – your looks, your emotions, your thoughts and your deeds.

If you still find it hard to experience joy whilst reading this, let me give you a hint as to why you must be joyful this very moment. Be joyful that you are reading this because it that means you are alive, you are literate, you have access to a computer, you can see, you found this website, your thinking has been stimulated, you have an opportunity to learn, you have made a new realization, you have something new to share and the list goes on and on…

You have someone who thinks of you and forwards this

Courtesy: Anu, my IIM-B Classmate
(Courtesy – Academy for Creative Learning)

Cheers,

Vijay Srinivasan
18th May 2013

Accept Me As I am Today……….

Courtesy: Anu, my IIM-B Classmate
(Courtesy: Academy for Creative Training)

DON’T JUDGE ME BY MY PAST.
I AM NOT IN THE PAST ANYMORE.
ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM.
BECAUSE THIS IS ME TODAY.

Our human frailty makes us vulnerable to making mistakes and being condemned for it. It is also our human frailty that makes us so critical, harsh and cruel enough to perpetually condemn those who could have faltered but have atoned for their folly. Our frailty fortunately is not a unalterable trait for we are also blessed with the boon of change, the facility of realization, the temperament to atone and the capacity to make up and undo the damage. Yet when it comes to being charitable to others we take a moral high ground and end up admonishing and chastening the unfortunate souls who would faltered whilst traversing the pathway of life. Pause for a moment and ask yourself how you would like to be apprised by others; would you like them to pinpoint your past follies or would you desperately want them to focus on the your current achievements?

Class reunions are a wonderful occasion to look around and actually witness the progress and success that almost everyone has achieved. Yet time and time again, we tend to bring up many an unflattering incidence during the years of schooling relating to specific individuals, merely to have a good laugh without realizing that the person in question may have moved on life winning accolades and begetting a hallowed status in society. Again put yourself in the shoes of that individual who may have flunked a test or got caught cheating in an exam but thereafter by dint of hard work become very successful. Would you not like to be acknowledged for the success achieved and deeply resent being flogged for a juvenile mistake. The question is, are we as charitable to others as we would want them to be towards us?

It is possible that even as we read this post we are sure we would always be charitable to others and that the contents of the blog post is not applicable to us. You may be right, but ponder about your readiness to work alongside a rehabilitated convict. Would you readily employ a suspect in a crime even if he/ she has been acquitted of the crime? If these sound like extreme examples, look back and ponder over the times you have accused someone or tale tattled about someone merely based on hear say. There are shades of judging and convicting someone particularly someone who we are ill at ease with or someone whom we are not comfortable with. How often have we passed judgment about someone merely based on their dress and physical appearance?

The best way to give people a second chance is by seeking the good in them and accentuating that. This is more easily achieved when we begin to appreciate that no one really wants to be a deviant and their follies could often have been committed either due to poor judgment or a moment of weakness or out of sheer desperation. We as individuals have every right and duty to exercise a judgment call when it is appropriate but we also have an obligation to give others reason to believe in themselves and turn over a new leaf.

Try this:
1. Write down 5 qualities that best describe you. Now go around with a list of 25 positive qualities and ask your family, close friends, colleagues and acquaintances to choose 5 qualities that best describe you from that list . You will have a fair idea of how you perceive yourself and how others see you.
2. Think of the following
- The 3 most embarrassing moments of your life
- The 3 serious acts of dishonesty you have committed
- The 3 biggest lies you have said
- The 3 wickedest thoughts that have occurred to you
Now assuming that someone knew about any or all of these how would you feel if reference was made to any of the above acts in public by that person?

Courtesy: Anu, my IIM-B Classmate

Cheers

Vijay Srinivasan
18th May 2013

A mathematical proof that every one of us is interesting

Courtesy: Nagesh, my IIM-B Classmate

Collect all the uninteresting people in a group (set, if you remembered and still care about). In this group, there is one person who is most uninteresting. This most uninteresting person with this special feature itself has got to be interesting. Therefore, you have to take him out of the group.

Now, the next most uninteresting person becomes interesting and he also comes out of the group. You repeat the above process, until the group has finally one uninteresting person. This one person left is unique uninteresting person and that must actually be very interesting. Therefore, he also goes out leaving the group empty (null set if you still remembered). Therefore, no one is an uninteresting person.

If you still think someone is not interesting then you must be very poor in maths as you did not understand the great proof (Based on an idea from Martin Gardner, Mathematician on Numbers).

Courtesy: Nagesh, my IIM-B Classmate

Cheers,

Vijay Srinivasan
18th May 2013

Lion And Gazelle

Courtesy: Anu, my IIM-B Classmate

Lions love to eat gazelle meat; however, it is very difficult for them to catch gazelles because they run so fast. Instead, a group of young lions herd the gazelles away from them. The gazelles easily outrun the lions and head off in the direction the lions have chosen, which is unknowingly towards a deep grassy area where a group of older lions are hiding.

The older lions are too old and tired to be part of the chase; many are missing teeth, and would never be able to catch their own meat. When the gazelles are driven within close range of the older lions, they jump up and ROAR loudly.

Immediately, the gazelles, responding to their perceived fear of imminent death, turn and run in the opposite direction, right into the mouths of the young lions.

“The moral is that running from your fears and not facing them can often lead you into real danger and worse outcomes. In day-to-day life, the lions lying in wait may not be life threatening, but they are often false fears.

Running away may mean we remain stuck and unhappy for a long time or until we face and move through our fear. Remember Jack Canfield’s words in “The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be”. “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got.” Instead of acting instinctively, or from habit, think about your fears. Analyse them. Take steps to defeat them. Then go to the roar. Think of your fears as a challenge to be overcome, or a problem to be solved.

Courtesy: Anu, my IIM-B Classmate

Cheers,

Vijay Srinivasan
12th May 2013

Proud to be British……. Be Proud to be an INDIAN………

Courtesy: Vasudevan, my IIM-B Classmate

Please Keep This Going,

it’s Important!

Barry Whiteley, British and proud of it!

Airline Lunches

I put my carry-on in the luggage
compartment and sat down in my
assigned seat.
It was going to be a long flight from Gatwick.
‘I’m glad I have a good book to read
Perhaps I will get a short sleep,’ I thought.

Just before take-off, a line of British Army Youngsters
came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats,
totally surrounding me.
I decided to start a conversation.
‘Where are you blokes headed?’ I asked the
Young man seated nearest to me.

Cyprus . We’ll be there for two weeks
for special training, and then we’re being deployed to Afghanistan .
After flying for about an hour,
an announcement was made that
lunches were available for five pounds.
It would be several
hours before we reached Cyprus ,
and I quickly decided a lunch would
help pass the time..

As I reached for my wallet,
I overheard a soldier ask his mate if
he planned to buy lunch.
‘No, that seems like a lot of money for
just an airline lunch.
Probably wouldn’t be worth five Quid.
I’ll wait till we get to Cyprus ….
His mate agreed.

I looked around at the other soldiers.
None were buying lunch.
I walked to the back of the plane
and handed the flight attendant a
fifty Pound note.
‘Take a lunch to all those soldiers..’
She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly.
Her eyes wet with tears,
she thanked me.
‘My young bloke was a soldier in Iraq ,
it’s almost like you are doing it for him..’

Picking up ten lunchboxes,
she headed up the aisle to where the
boys were seated.
She stopped at my seat and asked,
‘Which do you
like best – beef or chicken?’

‘Chicken,’ I replied, wondering
why she asked..

She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute
later with a dinner plate from first class.
This is your thanks.

After we finished eating,
I went again to the back of the plane,
heading for the rest room.
An old bloke stopped me.
‘I saw what you did.
I want to be part of it.
Here, take this.’
He handed me twenty-five
Pounds..
Soon after I returned to my seat,
I saw the Captain coming
down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he
wasn’t looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers
only on my side of the plane.
When he got to my row he stopped, smiled,
held out his hand, and said,
‘I want to shake your hand.’

Quickly unfastening my seat-belt I stood and took the Captain’s hand.
With a booming voice he said, ‘I was an army pilot a long time back.
Once someone bought me lunch.
It was an act of kindness I never forgot.’
I was embarrassed when applause
was heard from all of the passengers.

Later I walked to the front of the plane
so I could stretch my legs.
A kid who looked about 18 was sitting about
six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine.
He left another twenty-five Pounds
In my palm.

When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to depart.
Waiting just inside the aeroplane door was a man who stopped me, put
something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying
a word.
Another twenty-five Pounds!

Upon entering the terminal,
I saw the soldiers gathering for their
Trip up to their training area..
I walked over to them and handed
them seventy-five Pounds.
‘It will take you some time to
reach your training area. It will be
about time for a sandwich.
God Bless You Blokes.’

Ten young blokes left that flight feeling
the love and respect of their fellow Brits.
As I walked briskly to my car,
I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were
giving their all for our country.
I could only give them a couple of meals.
It seemed so little…

A British Serviceman is someone who,
at one point in his life, wrote a blank
cheque made payable to
‘ United Kingdom ‘
for an amount of
‘up to and including my life.’

That is Honour, and there are way
too many foreigners in this country
who don’t understand it.’

And here in INDIA , the Politicians not only robbing our Citizens

with Millions and Billions of Dollars

but are also robbing the DEAD Soldiers who Died for the Country and
Countrymen ,

“The ADARSH” SCANDAL , is just one known Incident

Get up with your Mighty strength and DRIVE away the SCOUNDRELS

with the voting power, do not forget to Educate the Poor and Illiterate

who are victim to Bribe,

else one day AMERICA and WEST will repeat IRAQ & LIBYA to our Country .

May you have the strength and
courage to pass this along to
everyone on your email mates list….

Courtesy: Vasudevan, my IIM-B Classmate

Cheers,

Vijay Srinivasan
11th April 2013

IIMPact Event

The just concluded IIM alumni event in Singapore (called “IIMPact”) was the most amazing such event I have attended in a long while.

Take a look at the event website at “IIMPact”

Look at the Program and the distinguished Speakers List.

What I like the most was the session on social entrepreneurs. It was outstanding and so much different from the usual corporate success stories. Also the session on the unconventional careers of IIM graduates – some of them have gone on to become authors, music composers, playback singers, et al.

World is changing – even the most storied B-schools of India – and how.

Of course, the event provided ample opportunities to network with IIM alumni from Singapore and some who had come over from India. The generational gap between the older graduates who are at the fag end of their careers and the new generation was starkly evident, though the bonhomie was mutual and common across the spectrum of the attendees.

It was a great event, well managed and well delivered. If we can deliver such a globalized event in Singapore, we can be sure that IIMs have arrived on the world scene with a big bang, though they are only Indian institutions with almost 100% Indian students unlike the U.S. B-Schools.

The world is our stage.

Cheers,

Vijay Srinivasan
7th April 2013

Installing Husband

Courtesy: Shyam, my IIM-B Classmate

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy……

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0,MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1 .

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems but it just doesn’t seem to work.

What can I do?

Signed,….. ……… ……… .

Reply……

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, While Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Beer 6.1..

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

To summarize – 1.0 is a great program.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

Courtesy: Shyam, my IIM-B Classmate

Cheers,

Vijay Srinivasan
23rd March 2013

Nine Things That May Disappear in Our Lifetime

Courtesy: Anu, my IIM-B Classmate

Whether these changes are good or bad depends in part on how we adapt to them. But, ready or not, here they come.

1. The Post Office

Get ready to imagine a world without the post office. They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term. Email, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive. Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills.

2. The Cheque

Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with cheque by 2018. It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process cheques. Plastic cards and online transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the cheque. This plays right into the death of the post office. If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business.

3. The Newspaper

The younger generation simply doesn’t read the newspaper. They certainly don’t subscribe to a daily delivered print edition. That may go the way of the milkman and the laundry man. As for reading the paper online, get ready to pay for it. The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance. They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone companies to develop a model for paid subscription services.

4. The Book

You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages. I said the same thing about downloading music from iTunes. I wanted my hard copy CD. But I quickly changed my mind when I discovered that I could get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music. The same thing will happen with books. You can browse a bookstore online and even read a preview chapter before you buy. And the price is less than half that of a real book. And think of the convenience! Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story, can’t wait to see what happens next, and you forget that you’re holding a gadget instead of a book.

5. The Land Line Telephone

Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don’t need it anymore. Most people keep it simply because they’ve always had it. But you are paying double charges for that extra service. All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes

6. Music

This is one of the saddest parts of the change story. The music industry is dying a slow death. Not just because of illegal downloading. It’s the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it. Greed and corruption is the problem. The record labels and the radio conglomerates are simply self-destructing. Over 40% of the music purchased today is “catalogue items,” meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with. Older established artists. This is also true on the live concert circuit. To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check out the book, “Appetite for Self-Destruction” by Steve Knopper, and the video documentary, “Before the Music Dies.”

7. Television

Revenues to the networks are down dramatically. Not just because of the economy. People are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers. And they’re playing games and doing lots of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV. Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator. Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every 4 minutes and 30 seconds. I say good riddance to most of it. It’s time for the cable companies to be put out of our misery. Let the people choose what they want to watch online and through Netflix.

8. The “Things” That You Own

Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future. They may simply reside in “the cloud.” Today your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents. Your software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if need be. But all of that is changing. Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest “cloud services.” That means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be built into the operating system. So, Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet. If you click an icon, it will open something in the Internet cloud. If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud. And you may pay a monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider. In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books, or your whatever from any laptop or handheld device. That’s the good news. But, will you actually own any of this “stuff” or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big “Poof?” Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical? It makes you want to run to the closet and pull out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf, or open up a CD case and pull out the insert.

9. Privacy

If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically, it would be privacy. That’s gone. It’s been gone for a long time anyway. There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even built into your computer and cell phone. But you can be sure that 24/7, “They” know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the Google Street View. If you buy something, your habit is put into a zillion profiles, and your ads will change to reflect those habits. “They” will try to get you to buy something else. Again and again.

All we will have left that can’t be changed are “Memories”….

And then probably Alzheimer’s will take that away from us too!

Courtesy: Anu, my IIM-B Classmate

Cheers,

Vijay Srinivasan
23rd Feb 2013
Mumbai