The Only Heaven on Earth !

Courtesy : PN, a Colleague

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China .

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read ‘$10,000 per call’.

The American, intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and asked a nun passing by what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

‘O.K., thank you,’ said the American.

He then travelled to Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Russia, Germany and France .

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same ‘$10,000 Per call’ sign under it.

The American then decided to travel up to India to check out if Indians had the same phone in their churches.

He arrived in India , and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read ‘One Rupee per call.’

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.

“Father, I’ve traveled all over world and I’ve seen this same golden Telephone in many churches. I’m told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here ?”

Readers, it is your turn…………..

Think …..before you scroll down…………..

Who knows, you may get this right after all……………

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The priest smiled and answered, “You’re in India now son, It’s a Local Call”.

“This is the only heaven on Earth”.

Courtesy : PN, a Colleague

Well, one may differ with this, but the presence of God is there to be seen and felt in all Indian roads. Especially during this time of the year.

Have a good weekend,

Cheers

Vijay Srinivasan
14th June 2008
Mumbai

Nice Job

Second Posting this Weekend !

Courtesy : Anu my classmate from IIM-B 1985-87 Batch

There was a good old barber in Mumbai. One day a florist goes to him
for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber
replies:

“I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community
Service”.

Florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a
“Thank You” Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber
he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves
the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is
another “Thank you” Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.

A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the
barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he
finds there……

Scroll down for answer… . . . . . . .. . . . … .

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A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut… with
Printouts of forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut

Courtesy : Anu my classmate from IIM-B 1985-87 Batch

Male Bashing - Balanced Approach

Courtesy : Shyam Maller, my Batchmate from IIM-B 1985 - 87 Batch

Some serious male-bashing for folks who can stomach it !

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?

A: Puppies grow up.

Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their face?

A: Because they are…

Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?

A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the
ground first?

A: Who cares?????…..

Q: What did God say after he created man?

A: I can do better than this! And then he created a woman!!!.

Q: What’s the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?

A: I don’t know, I’ve never seen either.

Q: What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?

A: i) no mind ii) no business

Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?

A:! Because even back then men wouldn’t ask for directions.

Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?

A: Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink…

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he’s God’s gift?

A: Exchange him!!

Q: Why do men like smart women?

A: Opposites attract.

Pass this on to some women who need a laugh… and to men who can handle it!

Courtesy : Shyam Maller, my Batchmate from IIM-B 1985 - 87 Batch

Call centres in the year 2050

Courtesy : My Batchmate, Anu, from the IIM-B 1985-87 Batch

It is the year 2050 and call centres are opening all over the West, as the new economic power India out-sources work to the countries where many jobs originated. Millions of Americans, still struggling to adapt to a global economy, are willing to accept jobs that pay them in a new currency sweeping much of the world: Rupees. Some of them, eager to land one of the customer service jobs from India, are attending special training sessions in New York City, led by language specialist Dave Ramsey, who goes by a simpler name for his Indian clients: Devendra Ramaswaminathan.

On this warm afternoon, the professor is teaching three ambitious students how to communicate with Indian customers.

Professor: “Okay, Gary, Randy and Jane, first we need to give you Indian names. Gary, from now on, you’ll be known to your customers as Gaurav. Randy, you’ll be Ranjit. And Jane, you’ll be Jagadamba. Now imagine you just received a call from Delhi. What do you say?”

Gary: “Name-as-tea ?”

Professor: “I think you mean ‘Namaste.’ Very good. But what do you say after that?”

Gary: “How can I help you?”

Professor: “You’re on the right track. Anyone else?”

Jane: “How can I be helping you?”

Professor: “Good try! You’re using the correct tense, but it’s not quite right. Anyone else?”

Randy: “How I can be helping you ?”

Professor: “Wonderful! Word order is very important. Okay, let’s try some small talk. Give me a comment that would help you make a connection with your Indian customers.”

Randy: “It’s really hot, isn’t it?”

Professor: “The heat is always a good topic, but you haven’t phrased it correctly. Try again.”

Randy: “It’s deadly hot, isn’t it?”

Professor: “That’s better. But your tag question can be greatly improved.”

Randy: “It’s deadly hot, no?”

Professor: “Wonderful! You can put ‘no?’ at the end of almost any statement. You are understanding me, no?”

Jane: “Yes, we are understanding you, no?”

Professor (smiles): “We may need to review this later. But let’s move on to other things. Have you ever heard Indians use the word ‘yaar’?”

Randy: “Yes, my Indian friends use it all the time. Just last night, one of them said to me, ‘Randy, give me yaar password. I am needing it to fix yaar computer.”

Professor (laughs): “That’s a different ‘yaar,’ yaar. The ‘yaar’ that I’m talking about means friend or buddy. You can use it if you’ve developed a rapport with a customer. For example, you can say, ‘Come on, yaar. I am offering you the best deal.’ Do you understand, Jagadamba?”

Jane: “Yaar, I do.”

Professor (smiles): “Okay, let’s talk about accents. If your client says ‘I yam wery vorried about vat I bought for my vife,’ how would you respond?”

Randy: “Please don’t be vorrying, yaar. She vill be wery happy and vill give you a vild time tonight.”

Professor: “Vunderful! I mean, wonderful. You have a bright future, Ranjit. And so do you, Jagadamba. But Gaurav, you haven’t said anything in a while. Do you have any questions about what we’ve just learned?”

Gary: “Yes, Professor, I do have one question: Wouldn’t it be simpler to learn Hindi?

Courtesy : My Batchmate, Anu, from the IIM-B 1985-87 Batch

Being a Genie is not easy — especially if discovered by a female

Let me explain the background of such postings - we have an IIM-B (Indian Institute of Management - Bangalore) Alumni Association, and an IIM-B Yahoo Group for each batch. I belong to the 1985 - 87 Batch of veterans who are all at the prime of their corporate career in several countries around the globe. For the uninitiated, the IIMs are the “ivy league” of Indian Schools which produce global managers, and IITs (the Indian Institutes of Technology) are engineering/applied technology schools which also belong to the ivy league of Indian Schools. These are comparable to the best that the Western world has to offer either in Engineering or Management. The other famous school in India is the pure-science paragon of higher education which is the Indian Institute of Science in Bangalore (IISc). Singaporeans are generally unaware of the higher education and scientific prowess of India, and I won’t be surprised if they too choose to study in India like what some Westerners have already started to do, may be in limited numbers though.

I am reproducing a joke which is circulating in our Yahoo Group (IIM-B 1985 - 87 Batch), courtesty my close friend Shyam Maller who works in the automotive industry in India.

JOKE :

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The genie said: “I’m a one-wish-genie. So….what’ll it be ?”

The woman did not hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each
other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and America and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony.”

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I’m good but not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish and please be
reasonable.”

The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been able to find the right man. You know - one that’s considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for… a good man.”

The genie let out a sigh and said…. “Let me see the f***ing map again!”

COURTESY : Shyam Maller, IIM-B 1985 - 87 Batchmate of mine

Interesting Relationship

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. “What a peaceful & loving couple!”

A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained the man. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by horse.”

We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s horse stumbled. My wife quietly said, ‘That’s once’.”

“We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, ‘That’s twice.’

“We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

“I started an angry protest over her treatment to the horse, while I was shouting; she looked at me, and quietly said, ‘That’s once’.

…………..and we lived happily ever after.”

Courtesy : Ms Anu, IIMB 1985-87 Yahoo Group